Depressing (GG-2)

Most girls these days really don’t have any respect for themselves and decide to ruin their reputation. It is sad seeing girls who were good people turning into something terrible. I can count a number of people who I am not friends with anymore because they decided to go down the wrong path and turn into bad people.I usually don't judge people because of their actions, but it's hard to sit there and watch people do those types of things.  It is either from doing drugs or basically being prostitutes because they don’t have any respect for themselves. It’s sad seeing half of your friends go down the wrong path and try changing them when you really have no control over them. After seeing all of my friends go down the wrong paths, I decided that I wouldn’t follow them because I have my own problems to worry about. When they want to talk to me about their problems, obviously I will listen to them because at one point they used to be my friend but I would probably not trust them anymore. Half of my friendships ended because of trust issues because no one knows how to keep their mouth shut with other people’s business. When people tell me things that they don’t want to be spread, I would never betray them because that is rude. One thing I would never do is become fake towards someone because I know how it feels and it’s a terrible feeling. Most girls do a complete 360 change after high school because they decided to change and it’s either for the good or bad. But most of the time, it’s for the bad. You can try helping them, but sadly you can’t because they don’t think anything is wrong with them. In life you will see that people change and there is really nothing you can do about it because it is their own decision. I try helping people out when it comes to certain things, but at a certain point you really can't do anything for them anymore.

Annoyed (GG-1)

I never wanted to be done with school as much as I do now. It seems like these last couples of weeks are just taking forever and it’s never ending.  Usually I can somewhat tolerate being in school for a full day, but I honestly think I’ve reached my limits with being here. I basically come up with every excuse in the book for me to either get out of school early, or just to not even bother coming in. If I at least had classes that can help me in life I would come, but the fact I am doing cross word puzzles and watching movies just doesn’t help anymore. Study halls are absolutely pointless, I should be able to leave whenever I have study halls because it’s pointless to sit in this school and rot. Last year I never thought my senior year would be this boring and pointless, and now I realized why no seniors last year bothered coming to school. I rather be doing something actually productive than sit here so bored. I would think I would be more upset over the fact I’m not going to see anyone after graduation, but at this point I don’t even care anymore. If I don’t see the people I used to see every day, then obviously they weren’t considered a “friend” to me. I usually lose a lot of friends during summer but i rather have people I can actually consider a friend to me than someone who isn’t really a friend.

Pointless Relationships (FF-2)

Every girl thinks when they find someone that they won’t end up breaking their heart. Well sadly, every relationship ends up breaking up or getting married. There is really no in between when it comes to that. If you find a guy too nice when you first start talking to them, and that is kind a throwing you off. Unfortunately, they all end up turning into crazy or a mean person. If they are controlling in the beginning, chances are they will be controlling in the whole entire relationships. It is very hard to try finding the “right guy” but if you are in high school still chances are you will not marry them so there is no point in getting your heart broken over a pointless relationship. If you think you found the right guy and he does treat you good, I would personally keep them as long as you can because every relationship has a lesson that it has taught you. Sadly, as true as it is everything does end up coming to an end. Even if you don’t want it too, it eventually will. Sometimes when you think about it, if you relationship comes to an end… Everything happens for a reason so maybe you will find the right one down the road. It is hard to figure out if this person is the right one, sometimes you find out the hard way and you think “every guy is the same”, but that really isn’t the truth. It does take time, but if you are searching for them they won’t come to you. You basically have to wait till they come to you. It is hard waiting for something or someone that you don’t even know if they are the right one. I just think being in a relationship is a waste of time.

Improvement (FF-1)

I usually don’t think people will change once they messed up completely especially since I hold grudges. But once I saw my sister for the first time in a while, I realized people can actually change. Most of the time when it comes to her, seeing her would just make me sick to my stomach. But this time I was just happy to see she was actually doing well and most of all, she was alive. I didn’t think I could hate her any more than I did and I told myself I would never come face to face with her again. But thankfully I did. It just relieved so much stress that I had because of her. Seeing that she actually wants help and is admitting that she has a problem was really the only thing I wanted to hear and see. She kept saying how she won’t be there for my graduation, but the only thing I told her was that for my graduation present she can stay sober. I don’t think I ever had a normal life when it came to having an older sister. They always say you have to have someone you can look up too, but I never really had that. The only thing that she has shown me was to never even touch a drug. Most people usually don’t have that experience, and I’m glad I saw what those disgusting things do to people. I know she has a lot more things she has to do to finally be back to normal, but it isn’t just going to happen overnight. I’m just hoping that this time she actually realized what she did, and she’ll realize that she needs to change. Most people wouldn’t of stuck around this long, and she’s lucky she has the support.

Venting (EE-2)

I find it funny that people can’t even man up to something that they did. And when it comes to being a grown up, they can’t even do that. Do they realize how stupid they look when they can’t even stand up for themselves, but they can text them the problem because saying it to their face in person is too hard. I never really realized how fake a person can be until I reached my senior year. I try being able to stand people and keep my mouth shut, but lately it’s just been way too much for me to handle. I just don’t even understand how people can say they are growing up when they can’t even do a simple thing. I never had respect for a quitter, but I defiantly don’t anymore since I’ve been so many of them throughout my years. If you can’t say something in person but you can text them it, what’s the point in even saying what you have to say? You just look stupid since you can’t man up and say it in person. I just don’t think people realize that once you get older, you really have no choice but being forced to say something in person. I just don’t think anyone will actually grow up and speak their mind. There is no point in trying to tell them to say it in person because then they will snap on you because they think they are doing the right thing. Everyone thinks they are doing the right thing, but actually they aren’t at all. Everyone doesn’t realize that it eventually affects other people, and I personally don’t believe they even care about other people’s feelings. I don’t understand how some people can just be completely fine after doing something that affects so many people.

Annoyed (EE-1)

It’s hard to be able to trust someone after the amount of disappointment they’ve put you through. But then again, it’s hard to sit there and not try to make things better because you know they are trying to make things better. I’ve learned that people do make mistakes, but how many times can this person make the same mistake over and over until they realized what they’ve done?  Especially if it’s someone that you grew up with. I know she’s more than capable of doing this, but I just don’t know if she actually hit rock bottom just yet. I don’t know how much worse it could get for her to realize this is her only option to turn her life around. They always say that they will eventually realize it, but what happens if it’s too late for her? The amount of people who are dying from a drug overdose is getting worse and worse as the years go on. Everyone thinks it’s their entire fault for them doing this to themselves, but it’s not their fault. It’s the drugs addiction that got them this way. And I don’t think people realize how hard something like that is to just randomly stop doing. I feel bad for her, than again I don’t because of the amount of suffering I’ve been through because of her. I know she needs help, but what if there is no way you can save someone who is this far in? She always tells me that she needs her family support but how can I support someone who made my life living hell for the 11 years of my life. I’m not the type of person who holds grudges, but this is something that I don’t think I can just randomly let go of.

Stress (DD-2)

Feeling Guilty (DD-1)

I really don’t know if I actually feel bad for her at this point, or if she deserves to be in that kind of place. I personally believe no one should be put in there unless they committed murder. Yes she’s done things to make my family different, but it’s not her it’s the drugs that have done this to her. Maybe I’ll never fully understand why she turned to that kind of coping and I probably never will understand. Getting letters from her basically begging for us to not give up on her is something that I can’t handle. I just want to be able to not stress over this anymore, but the fact that people are still continuing to talk about it and make bigger deals about it isn’t helping at all. Especially since a teacher decided to talk about it to his class is something I find so beyond rude. It’s not the fact that I can’t handle people talking about it, it’s just that you would expect teachers to be a least a bit more mature about things. I would have thought my senior year would be actually relaxing for once and not have a terrible year, but obviously I thought too soon. Maybe one day things will eventually get better, but it just seems like at this point nothing will get better. People always say when things get worse, it has to get better. Well, at this point I just believe everything is a lie. I would have thought I would have loved her being in jail because she deserved to be, but I just feel like a terrible person for letting something like this get this far. I know it’s something that I don’t have the control of, but I would have thought I could of done something.