Growing Up (CC-2)

It’s getting closer to the last day of my high school career and to be honest I don’t know if I’m more happy or scared. There is always so many mixed emotions about ending school because I hate it so much, but yet I enjoy seeing people that I’ve basically grown up with. The teachers here are basically like a friend to me since they help me with literally all of my problems. I know you shouldn’t be close to teachers but it’s hard when they are actually more understanding than your actual friends you have. I never really had a lot of friends during high school because I eventually realized that they are all fake towards you, so that’s when I turned to teachers to help me with my problems. To be honest I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next year when I have certain problems I don’t have anyone to turn too. College will be a completely different experience and I don’t know if I’m ready for it. College teachers aren’t going to care about what you are going through and ask about your problems because they really don’t care about anything besides the money they are getting for being there. I know eventually I’ll be able to handle these problems on my own but I don’t know how I’m supposed to do it at first when I don’t have anyone to turn too. I know I’ll have family and some friends, but the support I have at this school is absolutely amazing. I know it won’t be healthy for me to go out on my own when I’ve been having support for the longest time but I’ll eventually have too. Sometimes I believe I won’t be able to go do it on my own but I know I will be able too.

Judgemental People (CC-1)

It’s hard when people judge you by what one of your sisters is known about and yet you still try telling people that you aren’t like that, and they just don’t simply understand. No one really understands what a person like me can go through. People think I’m a nasty person but yet they don’t know anything a person like me can keep hidden. I’m not the type of person that talks about personal things but sometimes I wish I could talk to people about it so they could understand.  But when I actually do talk to someone about it, the only thing they can say is “I’m sorry” because they really don’t understand anything. It’s not that I’m trying to get people to feel bad for me, because I don’t need sympathy for people but it’s the fact that some people need to understand what I go through on a daily basis. I’m slowly starting to realize I can’t change the way people act towards me, but I know the only thing I can do at this point is make myself seem like a better person and be able to hold back my feelings without people knowing everything that is going on. It’s nice having people to talk about things with, but it’s hard to explain to them your feelings towards it because they want you to do things you don’t want to do because it’s not something a family member would do. It’s hard supporting my sister when I can’t trust or even try having trust in her because she always ends up letting people down in my family. You try being strong for other people but at the same time you’re defiantly at your breaking point and it’s just something I don’t want to deal with anymore.

Daily Venting (BB-2)

Never been so annoyed with one person before in my entire life. They make it seem like their life is literally terrible but yet it’s perfectly fine. When someone makes a huge scene over something so small, for example their boyfriend breaking up with them. Sorry, but you’re making yourself look so stupid. Maybe they will understand a bad life when something terrible happens to them, because for them making a big deal about something so small they deserve it. You try being nice to them but it comes a point where they just don’t deserve it at all anymore. They make a bigger deal about something that is so small and they make it like it’s the end of their world. You can’t really help a person like this because they take everything so serious and yet they know it’s the truth. You can’t even say anything about it because they will think you’re being mean about it since they are so sensitive about it. Everyone thinks you are the mean person, but the thing is they don’t know half of the things you deal with and when you tell them some of it, they can’t believe it. Maybe one day someone will actually relieve some of this stress. And when you explain it so the people who think their life is absolutely terrible, they are completely speechless because it makes what they are going through look like nothing… because it is nothing.  I know some kids over exaggerate everything but wouldn’t you think a senior would have some sort of common sense? Sometimes I just laugh at the person because they don’t know what bad is until they actually see it. I just hope they will get a rude awakening from it because then they will understand what a rough life is.

Donezo (BB-1)

After dealing with this for so many years, I came to the point where I just give up on everything that involves her. Once you think everything might be getting better, it just takes a complete 360 and everything changes. You try believing them because you want too, but they’ve done everything to make you lose your trust for them. After destroying a family, wouldn’t you want to change for the best? How much more can someone possibly take before they just say they are done and don’t want to deal with it anymore. When you see a family member struggling but you can’t do anything more to try helping them, that is when you have to walk away. Thinking I might finally have gotten away with it since I left for a week, but of course it followed me. There is nothing more I hate then people who are stubborn and selfish. You did this to yourself, so it’s time for you to learn from your mistakes. If the person doesn’t want help, you can’t force them to get help. It’s their own decision and not yours anymore. Then again, it isn’t a nice feeling to have one of your own family members to be sitting in jail, especially on a holiday. I try feeling bad for her, but I know that she did this herself and she made her own decisions. I wish I could just go into her brain and try fixing whatever she has wrong with her but there’s no more hope for her. You can’t force someone to get better if the only thing on their mind is just figure out a way to get their fix.  Maybe one day she will realize all of the pain she caused and make herself a better person.

Daily Venting (AA-2)

I’m usually a type of person who isn’t a jealous type or a person who gets upset over certain situations, but sometimes I can’t always keep my anger controlled. It’s hard for me to be able to keep what I have to say in but half of the time I just end up talking about it to someone because I can’t hold it in anymore. I have never been a jealous type of person until probably this year. I don’t take things seriously, but when I do that’s when I either get jealous or upset about things. Sometimes when things bother me, I usually talk to a teacher about it because he’s more understandable about things but when he isn’t, I literally have no one I can vent too about it. If I try talking to a friend about it, it usually ends up to the whole school knowing about it because no one knows how to keep their mouth shut anymore. So it ends up to me holding everything in because it’s impossible for people to understand. Even if someone doesn’t run their mouth about it, it’s the fact that no one understands what type of problems I go through and what I have to deal with on a daily basis. I try believing someone when they say they won’t run their mouth about it, but half of the time I end up hearing about it and the person who says it. And that’s when I actually had the strength to go off on them but I just keep my mouth closed because I don’t feel like starting more unneeded drama. I keep thinking only a few more months of high school, but at this point I just want to be done so I don’t have to worry about anyone again.

Scumbags (AA-1)

I didn’t think hating someone so much was possible until now. I don’t understand how someone can keep going with their life when everything about it is fake. If stealing from your parents is something that you do, and then obviously you have something wrong with yourself. Dealing with someone whose life is literally a lie because of the amount of drugs they do is aggravating. Wouldn’t you think you would get sick of doing something that is just ruining your life? Apparently not. You try sitting there helping them through it but they don’t ever listen to you. It’s hard to give up on someone that is related to you, but after a while of dealing with it I don’t think I can handle any of that anymore. You watched this person sit there and ruin your family and relationships but they don’t stop any of it. You try feeling sorry for them but after the amount of pain and stress this has caused everyone for the past 11 years of your life, I don’t think you could ever let something go like that. You keep thinking maybe once day they will finally change their ways, but it seems like it will never happen. If you can sit there and steal money from your parents and think that is fine, obviously you need to go get help. It would be different if a 15 year old was asking their parents for money, but someone who is almost 25 years old who is stealing money has a problem. It’s hard to deal with someone who won’t get the help they need when they obviously need it, but how much more can someone take before you just blow up? It seems like they will never get the help they need because they believe that they don’t have any problems when clearly they do.